Finding Self Worth in a Bubble

When I worked as an in-house editor I had the luxury of a spacious, quiet office, ergonomically correct office furniture. I dressed for the job and enjoyed feeling well put together. I attended meetings to discuss this project or that, and felt that my opinion was valued by others in the publishing house. I called authors to discuss revisions and took a few out to lunch when they came to visit.

It was a confidence boost, sure. I felt important and appreciated.

Now that I've been working from home as a freelance editor (for ten years) and an author (five years--can that be right?) that sense of feeling appreciated is much harder to attain. I'm alone all day. I don't see another adult until my husband comes home from work. No one sees my writing until my deadline. I have no cheerleaders. I don't even get to dress up.

I realized that my sense of self worth for my work was too dependent on outsiders. It wasn't under my own control; it was left to the likes or dislikes of co-workers. And with no one around to pat my back I became insecure in my own abilities--that's a rollercoaster. But people are fickle too, and relying on others for that feeling of appreciation wasn't right. If I was going to make working from home a healthy outlet I needed to become confident on my own and find ways to reconnect with the outside world.

Last summer I partook in the Mankato Festival of Authors and Books. I shared a table with the amazing Faith Sullivan where we autographed copies of our books and visited with fans. The two of us, along with a couple other Minnesota authors, then discussed writing in a panel discussion. The subject of writer's block came up and Faith said, "I don't believe in writer's block--I believe it's merely a symptom of depression."

I tend to agree with her.

To that I added, "To write we need solitude, but to make characters that live we also need to be fairly introspective to understand the human psyche. The combination of the two, solitude and introspection, is a recipe for depression. Is it any wonder so many writers and artists have mental illness?" Whenever we place too much focus on ourselves we can't help but feel down in the dumps, because it's in reaching out to others, when our focus is off ourselves, that joy rises.

So, how do I balance the two? Friends. I make a point of taking time for my friends, for volunteering in my community and church activities. Reaching out to others has brought back that sense of worth, and the beauty is it's not in achieving amazing literary feats (although I hope I'm still doing that) it's from having contact with people and caring about them.

Plus, a trip to the local diner can be attributed to "research" for my books.
More later,

Traci