Doing it all

Recently an author friend on a writer's group I'm a member of posted the following questions:

1. Do you run most of the family errands?
2. Is the keeping of the house mostly your responsibility? (laundry,
cleaning, upkeep, etc.)
3. Are you generally the one who plans, shops for and cooks all the meals?
4. Do you like to spend time with your significant other when the come home
in the evening?

I want to know, HOW DO YOU DO IT?

Here's what I've discovered. Please post your own suggestions under comments!

I've often struggled with this same dilemma, especially when I was
editing up to 20 books in a given year. Not to mention my own
writing. Back then I ONLY had three kids; now I'm up to five (two
being preschoolers) and "juggle" is way too mild a word to describe
it. Plate spinning on the deck of a ship during a tsunami? Either my
house would fall to pieces or the kids would get emotional from too
little time with mom or I'd get no "real work" done at all.

Two years ago I decided to make some real change. Here's what I did
and it's made a huge difference in my life, my sanity, and the
appearance of my home.

First by prioritizing. My husband and kids are number one--to me how
I relate and love them is what will last into eternity; even if my
books are really great they can't compare to that. So I try to
remind myself of that throughout the day when the frustration rises.

Second, I established set routines. I've discovered www.flylady.net--
this is a great website/Yahoo group that helps break down the daily
grind of life into manageable 15-minute tasks. Using a timer set for
15 minutes I can get a lot done. It keeps me focused and helps me
not to get distracted! Plus I know that those dishes in the sink
will get washed in the afternoon when I set the timer again. Hokey,
I know, but it works for me.

Third, I set aside writing time. Usually in the afternoons, after my
laundry, vacuuming and dishes are done and supper is in the Crock
Pot (Crock Pots are life savers!). Sometimes it's only and hour or
two, sometimes the whole afternoon. But it's better than nothing. If
I really need concentrated time to work I hire a babysitter for one
day/week. This is how I wrote my second and third books, with the
help of a once-a-week babysitter that I trusted. I could never put
the kids in full-time daycare--I miss them too much!

Fourth, I'm taking less editing jobs. Twenty was a full-time gig and
I just can't do that anymore. My husband makes plenty of money to
support us--I realized my compulsion to edit was based on childhood
fears, growing up in a single-parent home. So I needed to trust God,
and my husband. But I still love the work so now I take a more
manageable amount on.

Fifth, I have boundaries that I don't cross. I don't work evenings
or weekends,and try to keep summer editing to a minimum. Some rare
exceptions come up, but they are rare. I used to drive my husband
crazy by working all hours, sometimes all nighters. Not any more. I
get sick when I work too much--my body literally rebels with
illness!

Sixth,I'm deliberate about spending time with my family. Friday
night is date night with my husband. The teenagers babysit the
babies and we're off for the evening. It's rejuvenated our marriage.
On Saturday mornings my husband and I take turns taking one daughter
out to breakfast--four daughters times two parents means every other
month we've both had alone time with each daughter (the one-year-old
hasn't made it into the rotation yet!).

Seven, (who knew this list would get so long!) because I live
rurally and a trip to town means twenty minutes in the car, I lump
all errands into one trip. If I'm going to town, I gather library
books, any mail that needs to be sent, any bills that need to be
paid, I fill the car with gas, pick up any essentials I've run out
of at home. If it doesn't happen on errand day one week it'll have
to wait until the next week. I get more done on days when I'm not
running to town, so I limit my trips. One trick I've discovered--
letting my seventeen-year-old take my car to school. I CAN'T go
anywhere when I don't have the car!

I hope this helps somehow. This has been a long process for me and
I'm still trying to get it right. I think the key is not trying to
be perfect. The guilt from that never helps. Just do what you can
and don't beat yourself up!

More later,
Traci